Episode Ten: all or nothing

“That’s Miranda’s cat, Fatty. Cat’s a regular; he doesn’t get billing but the cat is perfect. The cat is huge and fat and never, ever does anything wrong.”

That’s MPK talking about Miranda’s cat in the commentary, during the scene where Steve’s puppy is barking at Miranda’s bedroom door. Miranda is sleeping next to the cat and it’s glaring at the door and looks supremely pissed.

Lots of animalia this episode — it’s the one where Carrie loses Pete. Honestly, how the hell did a dog find it’s way back to it’s owner’s girlfriend’s apartment in NYC? No way. Worse, when Aidan says “he found his way back,” the voiceover says “and so had I.” Lame!

I also learned from the commentary that the theme music for the affair is a deconstruction of the Sex and the City theme by Groove Armada.

Episode Twelve: don’t ask, don’t tell

Charlotte is such a brat. There are times when I like her, but they are few and far between. MPK says in the voiceover that they made her so bratty in these “Trey” episodes so that when her perfect little marriage blows up in her pretty little face, she’ll be forced to grow up. Good.

Miranda’s speed date calls her Mandy. I, too, am starting to realize that I am Miranda. With Carrie’s job.

Episode Eleven: running with scissors

Ha. The Japanese business man thinks Carrie’s a hooker. Ha.

It cracks me up when Carrie voices her delusion that everybody is going to get out of the affair alive and Miranda says “I don’t watch Lifetime television for women.” She doesn’t just say the network, she’s says the whole tag line. Funny.

And if I had any lingering doubts about the voiceover being Carrie’s column, this episode was the coup d’grace. Natasha and Aidan could have just read Carrie’s column and learned about the affair.

In the very end, Carrie says “I’d found a way to let myself out of the mess,” meaning the affair with Big. Um, no? You don’t get credit for that one. You got caught, you didn’t end it through courage and conviction. What kind of person would keep sleeping with a married man after his wife breaks a tooth chasing her out of their apartment? No one. Nope, that summary statement was way off the mark.

Episode Thirteen: escape from new york

Totally forgot about these episodes. Hollywood wanted to make a movie out of Carrie’s column long before the SATC book was written into the plot. So if the movie mentions turning the column into an HBO show, like I want it to, then we will have circumnavigated an entire postmodern circle: column, movie, book, show. It makes me dizzy.

I think Matthew McConaughey is acting like he’s on speed. It’s just so funny, because last Sunday was the episode of Family Guy where Stewie demonstrates how hard it is to tell MM that he sucks, and they kept playing that clip on 101x all week.

Wow, this is going to be an entry all about other TV shows/popular culture. I guess that’s the influence of Hollywood.

Samantha invites her dildo model over for “dim sum and then some.” That same joke was used on Veronica Mars. Sidenote: I hate dim sum. I think it’s disgusting.

Also, my favourite british TV show, Coupling, used the dildo model plot device as well. The character Patrick, whose god-given attributes are a running joke throughout the series, finds out that an ex took the best part of him with her and marketed it as “the Junior Patrick.”

One last thing: the “perverted Nancy Drew” phone call where Carrie tells Charlotte how to test Trey’s impotence is the only time in the show where she sounds like an actual “sexpert.”

Episode Fourteen: sex in another city

Well, I caught an error in my Kiss and Tell book: Carrie obviously sleeps with the Vince Vaughn character, but he’s not in her “did” column. I’ve been going through that book as I watch these episodes, and I’m realizing that it’s kind of shoddily produced.

A word about the lightening bolt necklace Carrie is wearing in this episode. The “Carrie” necklace is the famous necklace, right? She wears the lightening bolt in maybe two episodes, right? And if the lightening bolt is attributed to any fictional character, it would be Harry Potter, right?

I was once talking to this girl and she was wearing a lightening bolt necklace and I said “oh, is that a Harry Potter thing?” And she rolled her eyes and said “no, it’s a Sex and the City thing.” Grrrrr.

Episode Sixteen: frenemies

Miranda gets stood up, and she calls Carrie and says: “This hasn’t happened to me since I’m 27.” Okay, what is that? The Bat Mitzvah brat says “since I’m 12” in one episode, and Miranda says “since I’m 27” in the next. Did I miss that grammar lesson? Why are they saying it like that? That’s always bothered me.

In the final scene, when Carrie takes her Learning Annex class out for drinks and helps them meet guys, there is some very, very bad acting going on in the foreground right before the credits roll. Seriously, it’s terrible. This girl has to be sleeping with someone involved with the show, because she stinks. And the thing is, she doesn’t even have a speaking part, yet she manages to stink up the whole shot.

Episode Seventeen: what goes around comes around

Carrie gets mugged for her Monolos, and she goes into a salon to call the police. They give her some slippers to wear, but wouldn’t it be much funnier if she were wearing those goofy flipflops they give you after a pedicure? Just saying.

Samantha says Natasha works at Ralph LAUR-en, not Ralph Laur-EN. Now I’m confused.

Carrie feels like she has to apologize to Natasha, and the ice princess gives her some major frost burn. I had a situation kind of like this, where I got involved in messy little triangle, but the guy wasn’t married. When Carrie says “I can’t believe there is someone in New York who could hate me that much,” that kind of sums up how it felt to be the other woman.

Episode Eighteen: cock-a-doodle-do!

This is weird because Aidan and Steve are out with their new girlfriends — because, apparently, they’re friends now — but we never saw them meet when they were dating Carrie and Miranda. Carrie says “two beers at a time? Did Miranda and I give you guys a drinking problem?” which is such a foot-in-the-mouth moment because obviously there were other people at the table. And “Jessica,” Steve’s date, is one of the models from the Modelizer episode, with a new haircut.

Carrie tells Big that the two of them are a good idea in theory, but they just don’t work. Then the voiceover says that they have become something else. So does that mean they might be able to work, now that they are something else?

This is my least favorite season-ender, because SJP is so obnoxious in that roof top scene: “I need to see you spin first, sistah!” Uggh. But they are drinking Flirtinis (champagne, vodka, and pineapple), which is something I might have to try.

Sorry to keep you waiting, my adoring fan (yes, fan, singular. Hi Mom!). I have had a busy two weeks in real life, but I’m back. Luckily, Season Five only has eight episodes, due to SJP’s pregnancy, so I will be able to catch up with my viewing.

I’d like to point out that the buzz is definitely brewing for the movie. The London premiere was this week, and SJP wore some crrrazy hat that has everybody talking. I also heard the movie got panned in the London review, but I’m not going to read that just yet. And SJP is on the cover of Vogue, and I can’t even open my copy because I’m scared I’ll learn something I don’t want to know.

But the biggest “oh God, everybody jump on the bandwagon” moment for me was today when I went to Blockbuster to rent a season, just like I’ve been doing every week for the past month, and there was a big gaping hole in the television section. I ran over to DVD-shelving-guy and screamed “where is Sex and the City? There’s a whole row missing!” Apparently he didn’t see my wide-eyed, fangrrrl look of frenzy, because he pointed over to the “Hot for summer” shelf (or something similarly stupidly titled) and said “They’re over there because the movie is coming out soon.” No shit, Sherlock.

Anyway, on with Season Four…