Episode Two: the awful truth

“Because sex is not a time to chat. In fact, it’s one of the few instances in my overly articulated, exceedingly verbal life where it is perfectly appropriate, if not preferable, to shut up.”

This episode has Susan Sharon, who actually is a recurring character because she pops up in one other, much later episode. I don’t like her. She bogarts Carrie’s cigarette in their first scene together and I think that’s pretty much a signal that we’re not supposed to like her.

The apple on Carrie’s laptop is upside down when she’s typing on it. It makes me curious about when Apple changed this, because mine is always right-side-up when it’s open. That’s how I know if I’ve got it facing the right way on the table.

Samatha’s boyfriend James is like a human cartoon. I’m guessing he’s supposed to be that way, but I’m glad he’s gone after this episode.

When Big sends Carrie roses for her birthday, she doesn’t pull the card all the way out of the envelope, so we can’t see his name. Watching for things like this is like watching for clues that Bruce Willis is actually dead in the Sixth Sense. How cleverly they avoid using his name!

Episode Three: the freak show

The above quote is my sister’s favorite from the show, but then they ruin it by adding, out of nowhere: “and in the mean time, we always have Manhattan.” I just don’t get the little Manhattan reference at the end. The show is often a love letter to NYC, but in this episode, that was barely a factor. I guess they had to cram it in there somewhere, like the very last line.

I find it hard to believe that Samantha was turned off by the S&M guy’s torture chamber. I would have thought that was right up her alley.

In the bathroom when the girls are talking about Mr. Pussy, Carrie sprays perfume in her hair. I think this is really sexy for girls and I used to do it all the time until I read that it is really damaging for your hair. But so is smoking, and she does that too.

I want to know what used bookstore Carrie and the kleptomaniac are shopping at. Is it the Strand?

Episode Four: they shoot single people, don’t they?

There are certain props from television/movies that I would like to have in my possession, and the New York magazine cover from this episode is one of them (the others are a Beers jersey from Baseketball and the old-timey photo of the three Texas Rangers from Lonesome Dove).

I’m the first to admit that a lot of my personal catch phrases come from this show, but I had no idea they were so heavily concentrated into this one episode:

• Single and Fabulous

• I need a coffee the size of my head

• Well fuck you, exclamation point

• Everyone here is gay, gay, gay

This is also the episode where Carrie tries to quit smoking and she’s eating Hershey Kisses by the pound. I used pistachios, which are probably just as bad.

I’ve been watching for things I’ve never noticed before, and the thing I noticed about this episode is that when Stanford calls Carrie a “little tartini” and leaves her to go home, he walks right past the guy she’s about to leave with, and he turns around and looks at her with his mouth agape. Doesn’t really move the plot forward or anything, but I had never noticed it before.

Also, this episode is kind of elitist, because Carrie’s all appalled that she sees pity in the eyes of the man who sells her her Marlboro Lights, and later, Samantha lets the Pakistani bus boy kiss her, but she won’t go home with him.

Episode Six: the cheating curve

As with the quote above, Samantha is usually very accurate in predicting what will go wrong in her friends’ lives throughout this season. In a weird, practical way, she’s the conscience of the show.

Carrie uses the word “constitues” about four times in this episode, as in the quandry of the episode: “what constitutes cheating?” Something about the way she says it makes me never want to use that word again. It sounds pretentious and idiotic at the same time.

I’m also wondered how she screwed up fondue. I’ve never made it, but isn’t just melted cheese? How can it be horrible?

Apparently, Mr. Big has no friends, just interested parties.

When Miranda sees Carrie doing the walk of shame at 7 a.m. in the wrong (for her) part of town, they actually stop on the street and have a conversation about men and sex. That is just overkill right there.

And who the hell uses a diaphragm? How does it get stuck for 24 hours? If you can’t get it out, can a semi-drunk girlfriend really do it for you? If you handed me one of those things, I would neither a) know what it was, or b) know how to use it. Just sayin.

Episode Seven: the chicken dance

They are doing a new thing with the interviews. Carrie will interview random people saying random things, then the last interview in the segment will be a character from the show, who will answer the question as it pertains to the plot device that got her to ask the question in the first place. Example: a girl named Madeline gets engaged after knowing a guy three weeks, which leads Carrie to ask the question: is there such a thing as love at first sight, and some random guy on the street says something about Carmen Elektra and Dennis Rodman (so, so dated), then Madeline starts talking about what it was like for her. I believe they are trying to make the interviews work in the context of the show before phasing them out completely.

Samantha accidentally sleeps with a guy she forgot she slept with about 15 years prior, and this is an endless source of humor for me. The guy is alternately referred to as a “deja fuck,” a “reunion,” and a “rerun.” I don’t know why this is so funny to me, but it is. Probably because Samantha is drunk for most of this episode as well.

She and Miranda have a nice comic chemistry in this one, such as when Samantha says she’ll be at the bar and Miranda says “say hello to my date.” Then Carrie asks Miranda what she gave the happy couple and she dead pans “the dancing frogs,” (Madeline was Miranda’s interior designer and bought the frogs for Miranda’s house before stealing Miranda’s man) and Samantha does that whole floozy laugh.

Episode Eight: the man, the myth, the viagra

Hey, guess what. This episode starts “Once upon a SECOND time around…” Are they keeping track? Cause I am, and that’s number four.

Carrie has a cell phone in this episode. She usually doesn’t.

Maybe it’s maturity or the wisdom that comes with age, but I really like Steve as Miranda’s boyfriend. I used to not.

Episode Nine: old dogs, new dicks

I don’t know how, but I forgot about this episode. Carrie punches Big in the face! How I forgot that, I don’t know, but I had to rewind it twice, I was laughing so hard.

Of course, “physical violence is never the answer,” as Mr. Big says, so I’m kind of shocked that it’s worked into the show. I guess they be keepin it real, or something.

This is the first time I’ve noticed the “Carrie” necklace, which will be with us until the very last episode. Must watch for it in the movie.

I love Steve even more in this episode, because he and Miranda split up, then she’s lying awake at 2 a.m. and he calls to tell her about the blue moon. It’s like, you have a fight with someone, and you’re up thinking about it at some ridiculous hour and you want to talk to them but you don’t know if they’re awake/with someone else/still pissed at you. Just perfect timing. Completely inappropriate and risky on his part, but perfect.

Episode Ten: the caste system

The above quote represents the most writerly, intelligent thing that Carrie has said in her dialogue, voice over, and column, period. Mr. Big’s response is “Well, don’t be a bitch.” She tells him “I’m not being a bitch, I’m just being myself.” You’re right, sweetheart, not only does he not love you, he has no idea who you are.

They make a big deal out of Miranda only letting Steve take her out to places he can afford, which means pizza, but the thing about Miranda is that she loves junk food. That character’s most-used prop is food. She should be perfectly happy surviving on pizza.

Okay, in the end, Carrie takes performance artist/caterer Jeremiah home with her, and after Mr. Big calls and tells her he loves her, she asks Jeremiah “did we…” He says no, and my “Kiss and Tell” guide to Sex and the City says no also, but I’m not so sure. Even though they’re both fully clothed, we don’t see Jeremiah lying in bed next to her until the exact second Mr. Big says “I fucking love you.” The voiceover says: “I felt like I was the lowest of the low. But I never told Mr. Big. I figured everything before I love you just doesn’t count.” Sounds to me like she slept with him.

Episode Eleven: evolution

I think the writers of this show tried add to the cultural lexicon by introducing the question “is he a straight/gay man or is he a gay/straight man?” The voiceover goes on to explain “the gay/straight man was a new strain of heterosexual male spawned in Manhattan as a result of over-exposure to fashion, exotic cuisine, musical theatre, and antique furniture.” Yep, I think they missed the boat on the much more concise label “metrosexual.” Don’t know who gets the credit for that word, but it wasn’t SATC.

They’ve also decided to show off SJP’s abs, which are unbelievable.