B. suggested I start logging hours on this little project. I’ve watched 48 episodes of Sex and the City so far: at 30 minutes each, that’s 24 hours. However, this season, there were four episodes (the Big and Carrie affair arch) that included commentary from Michael Patrick King. Since he is the one who produced the movie, I figured I needed to listen to his commentary, even though I never watch DVDs with the commentary turned on (I tried it once with Dogma and got bored. Forgive me, K. Smith).

So tack on those two extra hours, and I’m looking at 26 hours of staring at the TV over the past three weeks. And I have three more seasons/weeks to go. If only I could get paid for this.

Episode One: where there’s smoke…

Carrie tells the peeing politician her address: 245 E. 73rd Street, which doesn’t actually exist. Still, I would like to go walk down East 73rd Street sometime.

It annoys me that she keeps calling him “Mister President.” Is that supposed to be a Marilyn Monroe nod? He’s running for New York City Comptroller.

I did pick up Miranda’s line “hello, I’m drunk” (off one sip of a Staten Island Iced Tea) for personal use. I said it once when a freshly-minted bartender friend made me an experimental drink and everyone was leaning in to hear the verdict. It went over quite nicely, thank you.

This episode is full of firemen, leading to a coffeshop conversation: “Why are firemen so fucking cute?…It’s the hero factor…plus, they’ve got that good guy look in their eyes.” I’m pleased to know that my boyfriend is SATC-approved. I’m sure he will be thrilled when I tell him the news.

Charlotte has to butt in with her comment about women really just wanting to be rescued, which will probably lead to some soul-searching on my part but also gives Miranda the chance to mumble: “no, no rescue,” when Steve is trying to put her into bed after her eye surgery. She’s all hopped up on sleeping pills, and I guess her saying that is supposed to reveal that she’s afraid Charlotte is right. It’s also really funny.

Episode Two: politically erect

“I figured we made a good match: I was adept at fashion, he was adept at politics, and really, what’s the difference? They’re both about recycling shopworn ideas and making them seem fresh and inspiring.”

The whole “vintage Halston, spin on Jackie Kennedy” look for Carrie is just a little too predictable for the episode when she’s dating a politician. Plus, this is when they introduce “the flower,” that obnoxious accessory that supposedly everyone started wearing after SJP worked it on the show. Whatever.

Since I’ve opened the box, I’ll just go ahead and say this: when the girls are standing in line at the movies, and Carrie is telling them all about the politician asking for a golden shower, she makes three really corny, bad, unfunny jokes about pee in a row. Seriously, it’s like gunfire. I hate, hate, hate when they do this on the show, giving Carrie all these saucy little quips, and I’m not the only one: when the Simpsons spoofed SATC, Samantha says she’s dating a Wall Street guy, Charlotte asks “Broker?” and Carrie pipes up: “No, she’s just a little sore.”

Elizabeth Banks is in this episode, as the wife of the guy Charlotte’s drunkenly chatting up at the political fundraiser. I like her because she is JD’s baby momma on Scrubs, and it looks like she’s playing Laura Bush in the W. movie (imdb).

This episode dives into my main question about the show: what is column fodder and what is just Carrie’s own personal train of thought? The politician says he likes her column, that she keeps mentioning a handsome politico, and that she writes about her feelings for him. Then, when they break up, she writes about golden showers in her column, then the voiceover says she didn’t use his real name. Since the voiceover had said his name earlier in the episode (“the Single Ladies’ Coalition to Elect Bill Kelly”), apparently voiceover does not equal column.

It makes sense. I guess I just really wanted each episode to be structured around the column, like she takes what she learns each week and puts it in to print. What I’ve always liked about Carrie, in contrast to penchant for one-liners, was her job, and I guess I wanted that to be the main structural device. It seems kind of muddled to have a character that participates in the show, provides a voiceover, and writes a column about all the same subjects yet doesn’t share that column with the audience. That’s kind of the hook that makes Gossip Girl so intriguing, except we don’t know if GG is part of mayhem or just an onlooker.

Episode Four: boy, girl, boy, girl…

This is the one where Carrie kisses Alanis Morissette. Also, she whines to Miranda in the coffeeshop: “what about my problem?” when Miranda starts to leave. I think that’s saying to the audience: yes, we know they do the same thing every week.

Episode Three: attack of the 5’10” woman

“It’s her. It’s her, her. You know, she’s just, you know, she’s shiny hair, style section, Vera Wang, and I’m, you know, the sex column they run next to ads for penile implants.”

This is so sad! Charlotte is sitting in Carrie’s apartment, reading Big and Natasha’s wedding announcement out loud, and Carrie starts crying and the music swells and the curtains start fluttering in the breeze. So sad.

I think this episode really touched a nerve, because who hasn’t gone through that phase where you think there really are girls put on this earth to make you feel bad about yourself?

The irony of this scene is that Carrie is saying all this to Charlotte, who, out of the four, is the most likely to be that woman. Seriously, in one episode she asks if her hair is too shiny, and later in this season, she’s going to wear a $14,000 Vera Wang wedding dress. Plus, she has not one but two wedding announcements run in the Times’ style section.

Carrie does the whole dance where you’re feeling insecure and you realize you’re dressing for other women. Then she finally accepts that some women are simply better: “I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it, and chair committees and write Thank You notes, and I can’t feel bad about that.” Then she spots Natasha’s misuse of the word “their,” and calls Miranda to gloat about it.

Oddly enough, I did the same thing this week, probably subconsciously thinking about this episode: there’s this really perfect, pretty girl I’ve met briefly, and I found some comments of hers online and there were like two grammatical errors. I was overjoyed. But looking back over this blog, I can see I really have no room to judge.

Episode Five: no ifs, ands, or butts

Okay, I obviously need a cigarette now, so I’m going to take a break. But first, an introduction to Carrie’s new boyfriend: “His name was Aidan Shaw. He was warm, masculine, and classic American — just like his furniture.”

Episode Six: are we sluts?

This is the episode where Miranda has chlamydia, clamidia — fuck it, the clap — and she has to call everyone she’s ever slept with and tell them to get tested. It’s weird, because she calls a guy we, the audience, have seen before, and he has the same personality, job situation, and break-up history with Miranda, yet he has a different name. What’s up with that? Oh, and he’s the one that gave it to her.

Carrie is wearing her “coat of many colors” for the third time in this season, and I love it. “Kiss and Tell” says it’s from Bergdorf Goodman, and it’s so cute and patchwork-like and not at all in-your-face Carrie fashion.

When Steve and Miranda are in bed talking about their “numbers,” the book Steve is reading is the Beginner’s Guide to Aquariums. Nice bedtime reading, buddy.

Episode Eight: the big time

We learn two interesting facts in this episode.

1) Carrie last her virginity in the 11th grade to Seth Bateman on a ping pong table in his basement after half a joint.

2) Samantha is “a little older” than the rest of the girls. She says this like it’s news to them, but it clearly isn’t.

Carrie and Big have the same run-in on the Gab party boat as they did in the “modelizer” episode: she has her mouth full of canape and someone accidentally shoves her into him.

There’s this whole theme about “time” with Big: he keeps saying he needs to do things in his own time during the first two seasons. In this episode, titled ‘the big time,” he finally comes around and realizes he wants Carrie, so he shows up at her apartment. Aidan has gone to set the TIMEr on the coffee maker and realizes Carrie doesn’t have any filters so he runs down to “the Korean.” That’s a totally mundane thing to do, set the coffee timer, and I think it’s only in the episode to get Aidan out of the apartment and get us thinking about time in order to set up the return of the notorious B.I.G.

Episode Seven: drama queens

It is unsettling, this whole “relationship without drama” thing. Samantha tells Miranda, who is also in a state of domestic bliss: “your relationship is my greatest fear realized.” It used to be mine, too, but you get used to it. You get fat and happy and you wonder how you ever survived all those bad relationships.

Carrie is complaining that she doesn’t feel the “stomach flip” with Aidan, and Miranda says that “the stomach flip is really just a fear of losing the guy.” I don’t know about that, but it kind of makes sense.

This episode marks the return of Big. In TV time, he was gone for like, ever, but in DVD time, I barely missed him.

Episode Nine: easy come, easy go

This is the first of the four episodes with commentary, and I watched them all twice. This is also the beginning of “Carrie’s descent into hell,” says Michael Patrick KIng. The idea was to drag everybody’s favorite good girl through the mud to make her more relatable.

I’m not sure how I feel about this commentary. It points out a lot of things I had kind of noticed and made them official (Natasha always wears white, Carrie’s smoking is symbolic of her relationship with Big), but it also reveals the man behind the curtain, and I think I may have been happier with just the wizard projection.

Regardless of the commentary, this episode is in the running for favorite of the season. In fact, I think I’m going to call it my “favorite serious episode” of season three.