My conservative doesn't have anything to do with wearing pearls.

Episode One: to market, to market

The whole Charlotte becoming a Jew theme…SJP tells people that she and Matthew Broderick are “culturally Jewish.” Huh? Can I be culturally agnostic? That seems convenient; I believe in God, but I don’t want to follow any commandments.

Oh, the Aidan with a baby thing. This is sort of like that moment with Miranda when Steve asks her if she got the invitation. It just sucks the wind right out of you.

The thing is, there’s such a role reversal going on here. Imagine Carrie running into Aidan if she were heavily pregnant and had that whole with-child glow. I bet that stirs up some sort of primal anger in the male of the species — if our purpose is to propagate, then it must have really pissed off the cave men to see a former mate carrying another male’s child. Maybe?

But it’s Aidan, and he’s got the baby in a pouch. And when Carrie walks up, the baby squeals and looks really happy to be part of the hug. Or maybe that was because SJP was still a lactating female at that point?

Okay, this posting is turning into Sex Ed 101, so I’m going to move on.

I'll give you $100 if you say something bitchy about someone we know.

Episode One: let there be light

The theme is that Carrie is light and the Russian is darkness, as evidenced by the chocolates he pulls out of his pocket. Honestly, I thought that image was more Alice in Wonderland – one side makes you larger, the other makes you small. Also lots of looking glasses in this episode.

Miranda asks Steve “why did I have to shit where I eat?” which is nice because I was trying to remember how that phrase went the other day: there were a bunch of high school girls bumpin-n-grindin at the local watering hole last weekend. I was trying to tell a friend about it, saying “go down to sixth street to do that in front of a bunch of anonymous people; don’t shit where you sleep.” So I guess I was off by one word.

Then Miranda goes on to tell Steve what Robert said about “going deep,” which is a stupid thing to repeat to your current boyfriend. I’m surprised it just rolled off his back. MPK says they tried to show in this episode how Steve and Miranda are partners in crime, and I like that definition of a relationship.

Charlotte’s Burberry sleep mask was special-made for the show, says MPK. I actually don’t hate her in this episode.

Heartbreaking moment with Samantha and Smith. If Richard had a theme song, it would be “You’re so Vain.”

Samantha, I expected more from you.

Episode Two: the ick factor

Miranda proposing to Steve over $3 beers and having her wedding in a community garden is pretty close to what I’m going to end up doing. I’m pretty sure it’s because of my parents: they eloped in Vegas and my mom wore pants. That’s why I’m missing the bride gene.

Is Brady’s name now Brady Brady? They never really address that.

Carrie’s wearing a hat that is very modern Anna Karenina, and I think later in this episode Miranda calls her Anna Karenina.

I remember reading a review or something where the preview of this episode shows Samantha wanting breast implants and the reviewer was like “I can see where this is going.” Well, I couldn’t. I guess I’m just dumb. I was actually surprised they gave her cancer.

Same Edith Piaf song playing when Charlotte and Harry get food poisoning.

I don’t care how cheesy the rest of it is; when Aleksandr buys Carrie the dress she was ogling in Vogue, I wanted her marry him right there. When a guy actually listens to you and can buy gifts accordingly, it is so nice. However, I can see where it might just be part of his game.

Steve, I can't have sex anymore! I have a brain!

Episode Three: catch-38

Why am I not surprised that Samantha has blown Mick Jagger?

This episode is boring. It’s all baby talk.

But what is up with Steve washing Miranda’s hair with a bar of soap instead of shampoo? I remember when the first Bourne movie came out, someone told me the scene where Matt Damon dyes Franka Potente’s hair and then washes it for her was like super sexy. Then I watched it on a plane, and there was nothing to it. So I’m wondering if it was edited for the airline?