Season Five

One- I’m posting Seasons Four and Five on the same day because I just now got the use of my internet back. Apparently, I was so desperate to run from the tornadoes that I left the modem plugged in and it got fried. Like hell I was logging on to myspace at work.

Now I can use the internet, but B. can’t talk shit to Korean kids while he plays video games. Actually, this worked out quite well. *Evil Villain laugh*

Two- SJP is on the cover of Vogue, so now I can’t open my copy until after May 30.

Season Five is beyond weird. Michael Patrick King says in the commentary for Episode One that the season was “problematic, interesting, dark and eventually light.” He also calls it “the year we sent the men away,” and if you pay attention, the only time Carrie has sex is with Mr. Big in San Francisco.

The season is only eight episodes long, reportedly because of SJP’s pregnancy, which they spend the season concealing with empire waist dresses. Also, by the final season of the episode (ha! strike that, reverse it), Cynthia Nixon (Miranda) is pregnant as well, which is confusing on a number of levels: she spent half of the fourth season pretending to be pregnant, and winds up really pregnant a year later. She’s noticeably a little heavier at the start of this season (and actually looks really really pretty with some weight on her), so I’m wondering if Cynthia Nixon had to gain weight to give Miranda some baby weight, slowly lose it, then gain it all back for real.

Personally, this is “the lost season,” because I was studying abroad while it was originally airing. I would get some news about plot lines, but spent the semester watching reruns and getting drunk off Bailey’s Minis, the sponsor of the program in Britain.

Also, and this is going to be slightly blasphemous: this is the season where I get annoyed with SJP. I can’t pin point it exactly, especially since she’s pregnant for the whole season and probably went through a lot of personal changes, but I just remember having the feeling that SJP had become way too full of herself, and it was seeping in to the show. Maybe it was because the show had officially become a juggernaut, or SJP had become more comfortable with her role as a producer and was wielding more influence on the direction of the show, but this is the point where I started to dislike her. I’ll point out some specific examples momentarily.

oh, she may be weary/young girls, they do get weary

Episode One: anchors away

This is supposed to be the big “post-9/11” episode, where the healing of New York is dealt with in an unsappy way. Hence, Fleet Week.

The Miranda nursing scene involves some “very expensive” prosthetic boobs, says MPK. It’s kind of disturbing, but there’s a sweet moment when the baby looks up at her.

In fact, we see everyone’s tits in this episode, except for Carrie’s, because SJP won’t do nude scenes. (That was intended to be snide. She has every right to cover herself up, but it’s not fair that the other girls have to bare all. My teeth start grinding right now).

It took me a while to get the joke with Charlotte “new” York and Charlotte “old” York. MPK had to explain it.

When Carrie is at the Guggenheim and the wind is blowing, she does that hoarse little shriek like five times, and it’s really annoying. Yes, this is the beginning of me hating her.

This is not a good economy in which to be whipped cream.

Episode Two: unoriginal sin

I think I will go ahead and call this the favorite episode of the season because of the book deal. Also, the “Carrie quips” at the coffeeshop are delivered more drily and are thus less annoying. I think because Carrie is supposed to be tired in the scene, but maybe SJP had morning sickness in real life.

I love the idea of Carrie dedicating her book to Charlotte, but the dedication itself is kind of ho-hum.

See? That is worth being fat for. I'm sorry, it's just worth it.

Episode Four: cover girl

This whole thing with Carrie judging Samantha for giving Joe Tuesdays & Thursdays a blow job, I think, is symptomatic of what I perceive as a rivalry between SJP and Kim Catrall.

Let me make very clear that I believe the show owes its success as much to Kim Catrall as to SJP. Kim Catrall does all the wacky shit, and SJP won’t take her bra off. People might argue “She can’t go topless, she’s the Heart of the show!” (just like her character in State and Main), but to them I say lots of shows have heart; the reason SATC got the ratings was because of the T & A.

This whole plot line basically says Carrie is better than Samantha and it pisses me off. I’m tempted to believe that the whole thing was orchestrated by SJP to remind Kim Catrall who was the star of the show. That’s how it went down in my head, anyway. “It’s time for ladies my age to cover it up,” she tells her. And Samantha didn’t even judge her when she had the affair with Big – she just said “not my style.”

There’s the whole thing about Kim Catrall holding out on the movie because she wanted the same money as SJP. That’s probably where I’m getting this whole elaborate conspiracy theory.

The guy who plays “Tom Big Boned” was on the radio in Austin last week. He does impressions. His name is Craig Gass.

Methinks someone is a little jelly.

Episode Five: plus one is the loneliest number

I always got the two of hearts joke, but I never caught on that it was the jack of hearts (for Jack Berger) that she saw on the sidewalk outside Gray’s Papaya. The only way I knew that it was Gray’s Papaya was because of the reflection on the limo windows.

Costume designer Pat Field makes a cameo at Carrie’s book party. Isaac Mizrahi’s cameo is kind of lame, especially since he had to say his own name, so people would know who he was.

I also didn’t catch the gag where Samantha is reminded that she has to verbally tell people “I am so angry” after she’s been Botoxed, and then Enid (Candice Bergen) says exactly that when she sees her boyfriend at Carrie’s party. MPK pointed that out.

…and don't call boys.

Episode Six: critical condition

This is the episode with Nina Katz, the face girl. She’s a total bitch, but Carrie shouldn’t feel threatened because she says dumb things like “I am starvation central.”

I love that Miranda and Samantha both scream at Carrie because they don’t have time to listen to her whine, and then Stanford tells her how selfish she is. Ha.

Yes, I have a question: this Mister Big character, does he have a real name?

Episode Seven: the big journey

I don’t know if it was just me (and my hangover), but the four girls all look really ugly in this episode. And then S and C get on the train and complain about how ugly everybody in real America is.

They probably sent Samantha to SanFran alone with Carrie so the two actresses could work out their issues while filming together. That’s what I say, any way.

Carrie has her laptop set up on a different desk in this episode. It’s in front of a mirror that I had never noticed before until they did a close up of it earlier this season, so I’m thinking it’s a new prop for Carrie’s apartment that they were really proud of.

Carrie tells Mr. Big “What happened in New York was all my fault – I didn’t read the signs.” Well, there’s the first three seasons of the show explained away, easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

This party is going to be fantastic, strictly A-list. — Are we still invited? — Yes, but Shitty Pants there is not.

Episode Eight: i love a charade

HATE the zsa zsa zsu. It’s such a stupid thing to say, then MPK has the audacity to commentate that everyone loved that phrase and he even saw it in a couple of articles. Bull shit.

He also mentions that the Carrie necklace disappears and reappears in very significant and symbolic ways. This episode is the first time she wears it all season, and it’s supposed to mean that she’s back in touch with her identity.

Turns out the theme for costuming the wedding scene is the Great Gatsby, which I didn’t catch and I love that book. Oh, wait. Maybe they mean the movie. Hate the movie.

Smile, gorgeous.